ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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