my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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