She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
