woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
