Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
