also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
