Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
