That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
