I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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