I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
