i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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