after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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