it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
