there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
