i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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