Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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