lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
