i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
