I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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