I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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