He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
