if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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