He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
