i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
