I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
