so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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