They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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