I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
