That's intense
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
