I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
