I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
