i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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