all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
