I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
