i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
