Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
