I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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