Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
