I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
