There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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