highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
