just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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