you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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