I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
