If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
