So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
