Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?

Fav 27 1731 868
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(785): View more from Kansas

so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse

Fav 10 916 4404
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(636): View more from Missouri

His little brother walked in on us. Six times.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy

Fav 16 4182 1109
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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

Fav 19 4040 1220
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

Fav 6 3302 1305
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(330): View more from Ohio

This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

Fav 5 2421 1001
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(260): View more from Indiana

Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette

Fav 2 102 23
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