After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
