I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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