I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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