So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
